Kiss
Puke
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize