9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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