I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
