Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
