Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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