I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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