Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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