JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
