Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
