that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
