I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize