Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
