it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize