U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
