Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
