Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
