You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
