We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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