Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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