My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The air taste purple.
Randomize