dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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