if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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