He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
