conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize