Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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