first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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