i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
