I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
