I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
