3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
