Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
