im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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