at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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