how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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