when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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