Kiss
Puke
Screwed.edu
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
