Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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