So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
