This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
