I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my shit smells like andre
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
