here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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