I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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