you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
