I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
