I think my fart just growled at me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
