Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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