party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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