She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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