I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
