i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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