I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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