So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hippo gnu deer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
