I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
