STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
