i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
