It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
