How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
NoShamevember. You game?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
