benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
