He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
