You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
