im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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