bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
