Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
